Settling for what's good enough

I will admit that I have been a "settler" before. I suppose I still am in certain aspects of my life. (Clothing, shoes look old and out of style - hey, eventually they will be back in style!) But I am not talking about the little things. I have settled for the big things. We are talking career and relationships. I am proud to say that I pushed back on this eventually, but it was not a quick process nor was it an easy one. It was one with a lot of tears, worries, almost ulcers and giving myself mono. It took me saying "enough is enough" and taking that leap. Often it took someone in my life pushing me off that cliff so that I could learn how to fly. And I did fly. Eventually.

Take, for instance, my love life. Post-undergraduate life and the breakdown of two very important relationships, I figured why try? Did I really need to be swept off of my feet? Did I need those butterflies or would Mr. Good Enough for Right Now suffice? I came back with a yes on that last question and settled for two relationships in a row with people I really did not love, really was not attracted to and really made absolutely no impact in my life. Looking back now they are both like blips on the radar. They happened. They ended. It sucked, yes, but do I find myself wanting to see how they are doing? No, I really could care less. The scary thing, however, was that at one time I would have stayed with them forever for fear of being alone. I would have said yes to marrying these two individuals, and I probably would have just lived my life going through the motions. Maybe I would come to really love them, but I doubt it. I would have done it because I did not believe I could find or even deserved better.

Can you imagine living your life with someone who does not really make you happy, someone who you look at and think "eh, this is good enough. I'm tired of looking?" At one point in time I was completely okay doing this. That was until I decided enough was enough. I was okay with being on my own until I did find happiness with or without someone, and met T and I realized that true love is finding one's counterpart in the heart of another. I learned what it really means to love someone, and I realized that all of those blips in the radar were just that. None of that mattered in my heart, and no way did I ever look at T and said "this is good enough." I chose not settling. It was so worth it in the end.

I recently did the same with my career.  After I had to walk away from a job that I loved so much due to financial reasons, I found myself thinking that I just needed a job that was a job and nothing else. I explored working outside of the law despite the fact that practicing law is the one thing about which I am passionate. I decided that I wanted a 9 to 5 job that did not involve practicing law, and I found myself saying it did not really matter if the job made me happy. All that mattered was it was a job, and I made money for my family. So I took the first position offered, and that could not have been a bigger mistake. It was miserable. The job was not what I wanted in life, and the person I worked for was simply one of the worst people I have ever met. I hated going to work, but I did it because I thought "hey, I'm not going to be happy doing anything really so just stick with this job and it'll get better." It didn't. Instead I felt trapped, and stuck to a situation that did nothing but bring me down. I settled. More so than I settled in relationships before. It took one last final straw for me to say "Hey, I don't deserve this. I've worked hard for what I have in life. I deserve better." And I walked away. I made the leap of faith I needed to make and took that step into the unknown, and now I have started my own practice and I could not be any happier. Since I took that step in September, I have not felt more at peace than I do now, and I could not feel any more satisfied in my job and in my life. Settling simply was not worth my happiness.

At the age of (almost) 34, I have my whole life ahead of me. Life is too short to just live in an existence that doesn't bring you joy. I know so many people that do just that, and I guess I want to say that I am living proof that it does not work, and there is a way out. You don't have to settle, and you don't have to please anyone but yourself. Most times what is "good enough for now" isn't what you truly deserve in your life. Take that leap of faith. It is so worth it.