I admit I have been a crowd follower most of my life, and in some respects I suppose I still am. Most girls are as they grow up, going through middle school and high school. You want to fit in. You want to be liked, and you certainly don't want to be different. Honestly I believe that held me back. It kept me in my shell. I was the shy one, certainly not someone who would stand up in front of others. God, never in a million years would I have seen myself as an attorney. I could barely make it through the six minute speech we all had to give in 9th grade. Somehow here I am.
I did the same with my career. Yes, I decided I wanted to go to law school which was so far from what I would have pictured myself doing. I worked as an associate in a law firm. I was timid, scared, and I followed in the shadows of who I thought was so much better than me. Even after that job, I just kind of did the safest thing I could do. I was not about to take a risk. I would do what people wanted of me, or I did what I thought would just keep me floating just below the radar. It seemed to work, but I never really was happy.
That all changed as soon as I decided to say "to hell with all of this," essentially. I had enough of catering to what others wanted, and I took that leap. I am doing something I have always wanted to do. I have always wanted to be on my own like this, but I never had that confidence. I owe that confidence now in part to my husband who opened that door for me to walk through.
I hope that I can set that example for my daughter. I already see her colors shining through and her brash and confident personality at the age of three, but I want to do everything I can to let her see that she should keep being that person, being herself. However, I need to walk the walk if I'm going to tell her to do the same, and I simply was not finding myself being that example. I had to change that.
Am I going to succeed? Hopefully. Could I fail? Quite possibly. Could it be an awesome journey? Yes, it certainly will be. But if I never take this chance to pursue what I want for once, I will never know. So here goes nothing.